I’m 38 weeks pregnant and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my son. This is my first time as a mother and I intend to document the experience (as much as sleep deprivation will allow). I will be posting a day-by-day account of our first 100 days together, told through letters to my newborn son.
Dear Wolfgang, Labour was long and hard and not at all what any of us were hoping for, but the second I saw your little head emerge, nothing else in the world mattered. And then you were on my chest and everything was simply perfect, because you had arrived. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such overwhelming happiness as I did in our first few moments together. You were screaming and covered in goo and…
Dear Wolfgang, The midwives warned us that the second night would be the hardest and they weren’t wrong. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. Only a little over 24 hours ago you were floating weightless in my tummy. You didn’t have to worry about trying to breastfeed or the harsh realities of wind, poop and nappy changes. Everything was calm and you never had to deal with feeling too hot or…
Dear Wolfgang, Breastfeeding is hard. I’m sure some new mums find it easy, but as beautiful as it can be, it’s also frustrating, exhausting and painful. And it doesn’t help that every midwife is telling us different things. It’s great having help with latching and positions, but I’m about ready to take you home and just go with what works for us. We’re both so new at this (and my milk hasn’t even come in…
Dear Wolfgang, As I write this, you are fast asleep on my chest. I feel like I could happily hold you forever—if only I didn’t need sleep or food. I really hope we can make baby wearing work for us, because having you so close just feels right. We’re finally home from hospital and I already feel so much more relaxed. It’s such a relief to not be faced with so many differing opinions about…
Dear Wolfgang, I’m pretty sure I was hit over the head with the baby blues yesterday. Everything felt insurmountable and I kept bursting into tears. But, this morning, I finally feel like me again. Our first night at home was amazing. Besides waking for feeds, you only had one little grizzle. It shouldn’t be surprising that getting a bit of sleep has made everything more manageable. Since our first feed this morning, you’ve been happy…
Dear Wolfgang, This morning I managed to shower, actually wash my hair and get dressed in fresh, clean clothes. I came downstairs and you were just waking up for a feed. In between swapping breast, I changed your nappy and I ended up covered in projectile poo. I didn’t even know that was possible, but somehow poo ended up all over my chest. You were still hungry, but there was poo on my breasts, so…
Dear Wolfgang, Today the tiredness has hit me all at once. We had a long night of cluster feeding and you daddy and I struggled to get more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep at any one time. Even though we’re in the depths of sleep deprivation, I’m so relieved that you’re starting to ask for some of your feeds. We hate waking you up for nursing sessions. You seem to sleep so deeply and…
Dear Wolfgang, Last night you had your first bath at home. When the midwife bathed you in hospital, you screamed your lungs out and seemed inconsolable. So, to avoid all of us going through that agony again, I decided to take some advice from my mum (your omi) because apparently I hated baths just as much as you. Your daddy ran water into the big bath and made sure it was a nice temperature, and…
Dear Wolfgang, In sharing these letters on my website, I’ve been criticised for spending too much time behind a computer when I should be focused on my family. This criticism saddened me, not because I think it’s true (I’ve only been writing while you’re asleep), but because of what it suggests about how our society still views new mothers. Apparently, since you came into my life, I’m not allowed to have an existence outside of…