Labour was long and hard and not at all what any of us were hoping for, but the second I saw your little head emerge, nothing else in the world mattered. And then you were on my chest and everything was simply perfect, because you had arrived.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such overwhelming happiness as I did in our first few moments together. You were screaming and covered in goo and everything felt exactly right. It no longer bothered me that it had been almost 26 hours from my first contraction to the time you arrived, or that my plan for a low-intervention, pain-relief free birth only lasted 22 hours.
I felt like such a failure when my body couldn’t seem to reach full dilation and get you into a position that would allow you to be born. Our obstetrician wanted to try an epidural and syntocinon as a last-ditch effort before taking us in for an emergency c-section. I was connected to so many wires and had a big needle in my spine (all things I’d been determined to avoid), and yet, your birth was exactly what it needed to be. I got to push you out and feel every second of your entrance to the world (the epidural only numbed one side). I had lots of tearing and needed so many stitches, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing, because all the medical intervention meant that we were finally able to work together and bring you earthside.
My body is so sore, but it fills me with so much wonder that it was able to bring you into our lives. Nothing will ever be the same, and we wouldn’t want it to be.
For now, little wolf, please be patient as your daddy and I learn how to be parents. We are going to make many mistakes, but lack of love will never be one of them.